NAVIGATING THE OMNIPRESENT FUCKBOY
Dating is hard work. It’s stressful, and there’s a lot of anxiety and self-loathing involved when you realise you’ve been blindsided by a fuckboy. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and if you do it right, you will come out smarter, hotter, and emotionally stronger for dealing with them.
At 29, I’ve had my share of douschebags, and I know that I’m not alone. I’m fortunate enough to have attracted a large amount of amazing girlfriends into my life, and the common thread over the past decade amongst all of these incredible women has been how often we’ve all been lead astray by a selfish prick.
Personally, I blame online dating. Apps like Tinder and Bumble have made casual hookups super easy, making commitment hard to come by. When there are so many people to choose from and fuck over when it suits you, why bother treating people with respect?
How many times have you had a guy tell you, “I really like you, but I just don’t know what I want” as an excuse to keep things casual? Or had something start out as dating and quickly deteriorate into hooking up when it suits them; not getting a text back when you make the effort; and being told during the breakup conversation that “we both knew this was just fooling around and super casual” even though serious conversations were always avoided like the plague?
People are shit, and dating can really suck. But you don’t have to. Here’s how to navigate those first few weeks of feeling like crap when you find yourself on the receiving end of a fuckboy.
Be your own best friend and know that you’re better than his shit dick game, dad bod and insecurities.
1. Forgive yourself.
When you end something with someone and feel blindsided and stupid for going along with all of their bullshit, it’s so easy to blame yourself and call yourself every name under the sun for not being stronger or smarter or fucking them and their shit behaviour right off. But don’t victim blame. You’re not at fault here, and you’ll do better in the future. Everything is a lesson and you’re only an idiot if you don’t take something from this and do better for yourself in the future.
2. Have your own back.
If someone continually dicked around your BFF by being non-committal, only seeing her when it suited him, and all the rest of the general fuckboyery you know she’s oblivious to, would you put up with it? Or would you tell her she’s amazing; that he’s a piece of shit; and remind her of the time he said his lowest point (admitting his ingrained homophobia) was copping a blow job from another dude in a nightclub carpark? Be your own best friend and know that you’re better than his shit dick game, dad bod and insecurities.
3. Stop making excuses for other people.
Stop putting up with their bullshit. As Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first fucking time. Don’t keep giving them chances to be the person you’ve only seen a glimmer of when they were drunk and let their guard down. When all they do is talk the good talk and their actions don’t match, fuck them off. Because I promise you: when this stops working for them, you’ll see them for exactly who they are – and it will hurt. Trust your gut and own it.
Treat yo self:
4. Go out and be your most amazing self.
Buy the earrings. Go to the gym. Do yoga. Meditate. Splurge on that hair mask and get a facial. You’re amazing and you deserve to look and feel your best. And when you feel good, good things will come.
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5. Be grateful.
You have amazing things happening in your life. When you’re hurting, pain feels stronger and harder to escape than happiness. Recently I found myself texting 5 different girlfriends about a guy that fucked me around. I was laying in the bath planning on reading and drinking wine, but I didn’t get around to the book because I had a consistent flow of literally hundreds of texts coming through from girlfriends talking me through it.
Halfway through the bath I realised: fuck. These women are amazing. I have so much love for these women and they have so much for me – I am one lucky chick being surrounded by so much good. After three hours in the bath my skin was pruned, but my heart was plump. Focus on everything that’s going right in your life, no matter how small or inconsequential. It all adds up, and it all feels good.
When you are happy and love and respect yourself, good shit will follow. Focus on the good in your life. And when you’re really struggling, know that this too shall pass.
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